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A Hepc blog, genotype 1, from discovery of virus, till (hopefully) the successful outcome. Also logging the mental, emotional and spiritual journey that this will entail. The entire contents of this blog are copyrighted by Paul Wilcox and Paul Wilcox reserves all rights granted by law to be associated with this blog.

Location: United Kingdom

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

TX May Fail You


Saw my nurse yesterday for the first time since January.
She was pleased with my bloods. Most of the readings are a little down since the last tests.
My Thyroid has returned to normal which just goes to show that nothing should be tinkered with until at least 6 months post treatment to allow things to settle down.
Stress levels are very high according to some extra hormone level tests which were taken especially.
This is no surprise when I look at everything that has happened.

My nurse asked how things were in general and I explained how that at first I had been in denial about failing treatment and was allowing everyone to be under the impression that everything was fine.
She was quite forceful and looked me right in the eyes when she said:
“You did not fail treatment Paul. Treatment failed you”.
A very important distinction that has caused a huge mental shift in my thinking and helped me to realise a lot of things.

I now see why a lot of people believed that I had failed treatment because I had done something wrong.
They believed that because they wanted to believe that.
Far better to believe that and give that as a reason for failure than face up to the fact that the treatment they are on may fail them as well.
It hit me like a revelation. People on TX or thinking of going on TX are of course terrified of treatment failing them so would prefer to believe anything other than the truth of facing the real odds.
The virus, treatment and a cure become the great obsession and anything not associated with it is filtered out.
They say obsession is better than genius because obsession will carry you through.
I remember building up my business from scratch. I was 35 and it nearly killed me. Cold calling to build up an area and getting my head around logistics and stock control.
I couldn’t do it now.
I didn’t have any genius, just an obsession to succeed and make some money.

I recall Carol Bolton’s words to me in August last year when she and Martin made a surprise visit.
It was a beautiful sunny day. They were fishing by the lake. I watched.
“If you’ve got hepc Martin has all the time in the world for you. If not he isn’t interested” said Carol.
She thought this attitude was a bit over the top but I could understand it perfectly.
Treatment is like a military campaign. You have to prepare for it well or you may lose the war.
The cruncher that is hard to take is that you can prepare and execute a great campaign but it can still fail you.
For those of you for whom the treatment will fail I hope you will be able to take this perspective.
There are some for whom the treatment will fail them.
It won’t work.
MK Andrews is a top class example of this.

It’s the reason I won’t do combination therapy again and am now waiting for the next wave of treatments.
The Combo treatment failed me once – it will not get a chance to do it again.



Blogger Pastor Buzz said...

Paul: I can certainly understand your reasoning. After more than 30 weeks post-treatment, I remain undetectable. If the virus were to resume, I would probably wait on the next generation of drugs, too.
Grace and peace,

5:18 AM  

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