Changes
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After treatment ends and you begin to detox from these heavy duty chemicals the real you begins to emerge again. But different. Even if you are not different the fact is you have been away for 24 or 48 weeks and are now back.
Have you ever moved house and left some stuff in boxes for months and then when you get round to opening them you find yourself saying,
“I forgot I had one of those” or “I thought I threw that out and here it is”?
Post tx is like that. For many anyway. Some people are determined to remain the same no matter what happens to them.
“This is the way I am. I was made this way and I aint going to change for nobody”.
I trust no one with that mentality is reading this blog. You wouldn’t have got this far if you were that narrow.
There is a danger in this re – entry state though in that you are very fluid in your thinking and could easily make some wrong choices. People on tx and post tx can be very vulnerable and feel exposed. For me this isn’t uncomfortable as what you see is what you get no matter what state I am in. To be transparent is one of my lifes goals.
For others though this process can be very uncomfortable, even unnerving.
But even for these I am certain they can find new things to enjoy about themselves.
One very personal thing I have discovered and embraced through tx is my Celtic heritage.
I am part Scots, part Welsh and 2 parts Northern England - a real Celtic mix.
But after moving to Wales in the `70`s and experiencing a less than warm welcome – even though they were burning holiday cottages at the time. So I rejected my roots in the land of my fathers and denied them.
On tx I was chatting on a forum to a guy from Glasgow who was going through some tough times and I said,
“Face this with the fierce courage and dignity which is the true heritage of every brave heart”.
Suddenly, instantly I was back in touch with that very part of my own nature that was my shared heritage with this man.
A hugely defining moment for me.
The Celts are a great people and I am indeed proud to be one.
The downside of changes is that others often cannot accept them or keep up with them.
This is especially true of family who don’t believe you can change or don’t want you to change. Its so much easier to have things as they were.
Adjustments are time consuming and require some thought and reorganisation.
“Why cant we go on like we were”. It was OK”.
Well it probably wasn’t OK but its easier than changing and aren’t we to old to change now?
Anyone that’s too old to change or experience new things is already dead.
*******************************************************************************
After treatment ends and you begin to detox from these heavy duty chemicals the real you begins to emerge again. But different. Even if you are not different the fact is you have been away for 24 or 48 weeks and are now back.
Have you ever moved house and left some stuff in boxes for months and then when you get round to opening them you find yourself saying,
“I forgot I had one of those” or “I thought I threw that out and here it is”?
Post tx is like that. For many anyway. Some people are determined to remain the same no matter what happens to them.
“This is the way I am. I was made this way and I aint going to change for nobody”.
I trust no one with that mentality is reading this blog. You wouldn’t have got this far if you were that narrow.
There is a danger in this re – entry state though in that you are very fluid in your thinking and could easily make some wrong choices. People on tx and post tx can be very vulnerable and feel exposed. For me this isn’t uncomfortable as what you see is what you get no matter what state I am in. To be transparent is one of my lifes goals.
For others though this process can be very uncomfortable, even unnerving.
But even for these I am certain they can find new things to enjoy about themselves.
One very personal thing I have discovered and embraced through tx is my Celtic heritage.
I am part Scots, part Welsh and 2 parts Northern England - a real Celtic mix.
But after moving to Wales in the `70`s and experiencing a less than warm welcome – even though they were burning holiday cottages at the time. So I rejected my roots in the land of my fathers and denied them.
On tx I was chatting on a forum to a guy from Glasgow who was going through some tough times and I said,
“Face this with the fierce courage and dignity which is the true heritage of every brave heart”.
Suddenly, instantly I was back in touch with that very part of my own nature that was my shared heritage with this man.
A hugely defining moment for me.
The Celts are a great people and I am indeed proud to be one.
The downside of changes is that others often cannot accept them or keep up with them.
This is especially true of family who don’t believe you can change or don’t want you to change. Its so much easier to have things as they were.
Adjustments are time consuming and require some thought and reorganisation.
“Why cant we go on like we were”. It was OK”.
Well it probably wasn’t OK but its easier than changing and aren’t we to old to change now?
Anyone that’s too old to change or experience new things is already dead.
*******************************************************************************
posted by Paul | 10:40 PM
4 Comments:
Thanks Paul, I have no knowledge or understanding of your heritage so you just gave me a little. I had an experience with someone who only knew me sick. When I started to become well she didn't like it, she was too comfortable with the role of my being weak and in her eyes she being strong.
I don't like anything about the whole resistance to change I see in many people. I know there are a lot of my own characterstics that I won't change either. But overall my mantra is "never stop learning," and I'm more comfortable with people who think the same. Someone who thinks they know it all generally fits into the unchangeable mindset. They are probably the hardest people to get along with.
A good post Paul, keep moving forward.
nadine
Thanks Paul a good reminder of this ever growing and changing life which has roots in heritage but they are not anchor chains to keep us from becoming who we are.
So much of what I have been thinking recently has been around the notion of fitting in rather than in acquiring the courage to follow conscience and really become transparent as you say. It is easier to stand firm than to move confidently forward although that wisdom seems hidden and the prizes are often awarded for preserving the status quo no matter how unhelpful it has become.
We have a duty almost to keep going.
It is good to hear you being able to go through your own stuff and not give up moving forward.
Best wishes. John.
Thanks
John.
Hi Paul,
Am impressed with your discussion of change. It is true, this experience, like all experiences, changes us. There is no going back, only forward. Life is not static. I see this as a wonderful defining characteristic of existence. However, am aware that change can be a very frightening thing for many people.
Btw, am also proud of my semi-celtic heritage - my dad's family Scots (mom's famiy French). Liked the "fierce courage and dignity" comment.
Take care Paul,
Sue
Hi John, Nadine, Sue, Teddy and all who make comments here. Sorry I don’t get around to answering them all here but I do often get round to emailing Y`all or commenting on your blogs.
Thanks for all your encouraging comments. It makes it even more worthwhile and also makes it more real knowing that someone has read the blog and it has got them thinking enough to say something.
I know there area lot of other readers as well. Friends, family and even old school friends I re- met through friends reunited
Paul.
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