Doing Good
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Another injection of apathy done. 35 down, 13 to go. Yes, I have done well. I am proud of myself. It has been and is a supreme achievement. Like most of us I have had some battering from life. These can leave you feeling defensive or aggressive depending on your temperament. I`ve been both of course. Why have one fault when you can have a whole bagful.
But despite still feeling crappy from the symptoms there is a new me coming out. More quietly confident and at peace. I like the new me.
Whenever I describe a side effect of treatment I find myself saying
“One of the worst sides is…. But when it comes to apathy it really is true. Being slightly anal and obsessive before treatment and having a thing about order and control in my life the apathy was hard to take. And yet strangely enjoyable and freeing.
Being able to let things just slide and overcoming the tendency to obsess about it has been very releasing.
Right now, for example I have a 6 week backlog of mail piled up. In fact, the gas people phoned last week saying unless I paid my bill I would be cut off. I paid up straightaway.
Money wasn’t the problem. Apathy was.
I sifted through the mail and found the bill and the reminders. I just laughed.
Unless you knew me before you wouldn`t know what a huge change that is.
I am not going back to the old me.
I am also very positive about the outcome of the treatment.
At 24 weeks I felt very negative and thought the results would show treatment to be a dismal failure. I was wrong of course so I don`t listen to the demon doubters anymore.
I try not to be over confident either. I suppose balance is what I am looking for.
The world of sport offers a lot of helpful tips in these areas of being psychically tuned up.
Duncan Goodhew once said that he used to get disappointed when he lost and elated when he won. He found this was disorientating and detrimental to his over all performance. So he learned to “level out the roller coaster” and treat triumph and disaster just the same.
Rudyard Kipling was right. They are two impostors.
One of my favourite characters at Wimbledon is John McEnroe and his commentary. He is so sussed out. The superbrat grew up.
The reduction in Ribavirin was a smart move. I feel a lot different mentally and do not get such massive emotional surges as I did. It has probably meant the difference between being able to tolerate another 4 months of treatment or not.
Another injection of apathy done. 35 down, 13 to go. Yes, I have done well. I am proud of myself. It has been and is a supreme achievement. Like most of us I have had some battering from life. These can leave you feeling defensive or aggressive depending on your temperament. I`ve been both of course. Why have one fault when you can have a whole bagful.
But despite still feeling crappy from the symptoms there is a new me coming out. More quietly confident and at peace. I like the new me.
Whenever I describe a side effect of treatment I find myself saying
“One of the worst sides is…. But when it comes to apathy it really is true. Being slightly anal and obsessive before treatment and having a thing about order and control in my life the apathy was hard to take. And yet strangely enjoyable and freeing.
Being able to let things just slide and overcoming the tendency to obsess about it has been very releasing.
Right now, for example I have a 6 week backlog of mail piled up. In fact, the gas people phoned last week saying unless I paid my bill I would be cut off. I paid up straightaway.
Money wasn’t the problem. Apathy was.
I sifted through the mail and found the bill and the reminders. I just laughed.
Unless you knew me before you wouldn`t know what a huge change that is.
I am not going back to the old me.
I am also very positive about the outcome of the treatment.
At 24 weeks I felt very negative and thought the results would show treatment to be a dismal failure. I was wrong of course so I don`t listen to the demon doubters anymore.
I try not to be over confident either. I suppose balance is what I am looking for.
The world of sport offers a lot of helpful tips in these areas of being psychically tuned up.
Duncan Goodhew once said that he used to get disappointed when he lost and elated when he won. He found this was disorientating and detrimental to his over all performance. So he learned to “level out the roller coaster” and treat triumph and disaster just the same.
Rudyard Kipling was right. They are two impostors.
One of my favourite characters at Wimbledon is John McEnroe and his commentary. He is so sussed out. The superbrat grew up.
The reduction in Ribavirin was a smart move. I feel a lot different mentally and do not get such massive emotional surges as I did. It has probably meant the difference between being able to tolerate another 4 months of treatment or not.
posted by Paul | 1:38 PM
3 Comments:
Hi Paul,
You are sounding very good. Glad you are at a comparative place of peace and balance, looking positively towards the future. Continued best wishes Paul, I hope the remaining 13 weeks pass by very quickly. Sue
Paul, Good to hear you are in the flow. It comes and goes on treatment. Yes apathy is interesting side it is easier to deal with at home for me than the office. I look out in my garden through the french doors and it does not give the sense of peace an beauty it did before treatment but I know it will return and I will find a balance, I did not have before I know you will also.
Take Care
D.
Hi Paul
and hurray for apathy, you sound really together for someone on tx, tinged with madness, but really together. Ha.
The new you is impressive and you sound really cool and laid back, like a true overcomer. However you will be sight more than cool if you don't get those pesky gas bills paid before the cold snap!
Great to hear you sounding so at peace with your situation. Have you been hanging round in caves with Guru Martin?
Very best wishes
Miss Poppy
Hi D,
I hope your sense of peace and beauty is restored soon.
Take Care
Miss Poppy
Hi Sue
good to see you are still around and visiting the blogs. Hope post tx life is treating you well.
Miss Poppy
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