Who Am I When I Am Not My Demons?
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You see it in the media all the time. The following are actual headlines I have read over the years:
“The demons that drive David Jason”, actor who plays Del Boy in "Only Fools and Horses".
“It’s the demons inside that make me dance” Rudolph Nuryev, Russian ballet Dancer.
“George Best loses his battle against the demons”
“When I am playing I feel the demon force playing through me”. Alex Hurricane Higgins, World snooker champion.
We`ve all got them. So who am I when I am not my demons.
In the treadmill of life that society prepares for us its rare to get a space, some real time out to have a look at things and get a new perspective.
Serious illness is one of those times. It stops us dead in our tracks like no other thing.
Not only stopped but forced to face some unpleasant realities. Not only about illness but about how other people, friends and family react to our illness.
Shocks are inevitable. Previous accepted perceptions are challenged. Things may not be what they appeared.
And so we start to sort out and sift the wheat from the chaff, the false from the true, what is important from the trivial.
I am not going to name my demons here. But there have been plenty.
The last three years culminating in this last year of being ill and chemically incapacitated has forced me to face and banish them all.
Jonathan Colam was the first hepc blogger I came into contact with. He met face to face with his demons on TX. See it here at:
http://hepcfight.blogspot.com/2005/04/pack-up-your-demons.html
An old psychodrama trick is to look at yourself in the mirror and say what you see.
I now like what I see. There are good things, positive things there.
I hope after your TX experience you will be able to say the same about what you see.
And those that cant see the changes? Or won`t see them because they are viewing me through “time warp goggles” that see me as I used to be.
Well, may they too have the capacity to change so that they can catch up. Meanwhile they can be dead weight that must be jettisoned if I are to move on.
I am astounded as I read blogs and speak with others about their TX experience how many have made dramatic life changes in their relationships.
It is a real effect of the TX journey, and one of the most surprising.
Combination therapy has to be one of the most profound pharmacological experiences of our age.
I am glad I was there to experience it.
You see it in the media all the time. The following are actual headlines I have read over the years:
“The demons that drive David Jason”, actor who plays Del Boy in "Only Fools and Horses".
“It’s the demons inside that make me dance” Rudolph Nuryev, Russian ballet Dancer.
“George Best loses his battle against the demons”
“When I am playing I feel the demon force playing through me”. Alex Hurricane Higgins, World snooker champion.
We`ve all got them. So who am I when I am not my demons.
In the treadmill of life that society prepares for us its rare to get a space, some real time out to have a look at things and get a new perspective.
Serious illness is one of those times. It stops us dead in our tracks like no other thing.
Not only stopped but forced to face some unpleasant realities. Not only about illness but about how other people, friends and family react to our illness.
Shocks are inevitable. Previous accepted perceptions are challenged. Things may not be what they appeared.
And so we start to sort out and sift the wheat from the chaff, the false from the true, what is important from the trivial.
I am not going to name my demons here. But there have been plenty.
The last three years culminating in this last year of being ill and chemically incapacitated has forced me to face and banish them all.
Jonathan Colam was the first hepc blogger I came into contact with. He met face to face with his demons on TX. See it here at:
http://hepcfight.blogspot.com/2005/04/pack-up-your-demons.html
An old psychodrama trick is to look at yourself in the mirror and say what you see.
I now like what I see. There are good things, positive things there.
I hope after your TX experience you will be able to say the same about what you see.
And those that cant see the changes? Or won`t see them because they are viewing me through “time warp goggles” that see me as I used to be.
Well, may they too have the capacity to change so that they can catch up. Meanwhile they can be dead weight that must be jettisoned if I are to move on.
I am astounded as I read blogs and speak with others about their TX experience how many have made dramatic life changes in their relationships.
It is a real effect of the TX journey, and one of the most surprising.
Combination therapy has to be one of the most profound pharmacological experiences of our age.
I am glad I was there to experience it.
posted by Paul | 10:09 AM
2 Comments:
It is a test of our faith and our ability to carry on. I look at people differant than I did before. As I became aware of my own demons/spiritual mountains/lesson...I was able to see theirs with xray vision and have compassion. I also laugh and giggle more.(can't explain that)
Keep on keeping on
Denise
Denise, thank you so much for that comment. You have brought balance to what could be regarded as a harsh attitude towards those that don’t understand.
I know exactly what you mean about the x-ray vision. And there is a choice whether to use that vision to hurt or heal.
A timely reminder to me to make sure I do the latter.
I also agree about the laughter which is something my family commented on over Christmas. Sarah said she had never seen me laugh so much and so freely.
Teddy, demons as friends? How true. Sometimes I even miss them. Self pity was always good for a few hours wallow.
Am so pleased on your successfully completing treatment. Great news.
Paul.
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